Taming my Inner Fat Lady

My inner fat lady (aka:  Rowanda) has been throwing some royal tantrums about going on this liquid diet.  She is totally kicking and screaming about giving up food.  I try to keep her in lock-down but as soon as I turn my back, she busts through my psychological door pleading and begging and blubbering for a double McFish fillet from McDonald's...and she won't let up...she wants fries with that too....supersize.  I wish the bitch would give it up cause she's totally messing with my head.  Staying the course with her ain't easy...

So I've taken to long drives in the country in my Cutie Pie PT cruiser convertible listening to Keith Urban croon to me in his dreamy Australian accent...taken a mile-high bubble bath....painted my toenails gothic black...picked up one of the novels that's been hanging around my nightstand far too long...and even eyed my landscaping...a little weeding might be in order...

Most importantly I spent the evening with a group of women who feed my soul.  And yes there was pizza and beer and chips and hotwings...a gorgeous spread!!!  My inner fat lady actually kicked her heels in joy and licked her lips in anticipation...but I put her in a head lock, poured my protein shake, and settled down for some storytelling, gossiping, & therapy/advice sessions mixed with a whole lotta laughing and hootin'...  And I left there without a morsel passing my lips....content and at peace.  Completely full of love for every last one of them.  Who knew that joy could possibly happen without stuffing your face?!?

Maybe I can do this...

Liquid Hell

Liquid Hell Day 1: got mad then sad...crying jag...went to bed early...talked in my sleep all night (says hubby)

Liquid Hell Day 2:  hanging on to my sanity by my fingernails...wild-eyed and nervous...

Liquid Hell Day 3:  outwardly calm... barely keeping my crazy to myself... then walked through the door and ate a cup of pinto beans standing over the stove...and then wolfed down several slices of SPAM like a rabid dog.  Haven't eaten SPAM (wth?!?) since I was 8 years old...but I still figure my calories for the day are way under 1200...  or at least I am telling myself this...

Liquid Hell Day 4:  (head in hands...)  back on the wagon...Oh hell!!!

So it begins...

Meeting with surgeon....check.
Meeting with another dietician (sigh)...check.
Support group class...check.
Meeting with insurance lady (sigh)....check.
Meeting with nurse...check.
Starting liquid diet....arghhhh!!!!...CHECK!!!

Last night I went out for my "last supper" of the next 6-8 weeks.  I actually cancelled my therapy session so I could eat out (...wonder what my shrink would say 'bout that?!?).  But there was NO WAY I was missing this event.  We shared & enjoyed appetizers, I had the salad (why?!?), and when the entree came-could only take a bite-and had to stop.  But I didn't force the issue.  I was done.  And actually I am ready to get this goat rodeo started.  I'm SICK of being this fat...  So in spite of the harsh nature of this liquid diet, I am completely at peace with this.  And yes, I'm sure that will change by day 3 and 7 and 13.  I'm gonna miss food-no doubt about it.  But my work friends are on notice, my family has been warned (no kitchen slut duties for me!), and the supplies have been purchased.  I'm also on hiatus from watching the Food Network channel (nothing good comes from that at night, btw).  So I am one protein shake down...and 1,342 remaining???  LOL!!! 

So it begins...

Progressing

'Member when you were at the end of your pregnancy, and you had dilated to 2 centimeters?  And you were so excited to do this thing, but really not far enough along for anything exciting to happen yet?  Well that's where I am in my lapband progress.  I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I had my 6th visit with my doc (hallelujah!).  Which means I have ticked off the 6 months of waiting time, passed my psych eval (dodged a bullet, rather!), and am now ready to see the surgeon next week to complete the last leg of this adventure (get me on the schedule, dammit!).  It was such a relief to leave my doc's office and NOT schedule ANOTHER monthly visit.   I love Dr Girlchild with her adorable stacked heels and hi-lites and cool outfits...  But it's time to move this thing along.  Only so much thinking and planning a girl can do...

Woohoo!!!  On my way...