Saturday, August 28, 2010


So the psych eval is done.  And I could tell she (the therapist) was ready to be shed of me too-after putting me in a holding pattern all summer long.  Sheesh! So now I'm waiting on the results which I'm sure will be fine.  I mean really-some of those questions were a little ridiculous.  You'd have to be stupid-or crazy-to fail that thing.  All 370 not so very subtle questions, btw.  So getting the freakin' eval done meant that FINALLY  I could call the surgeon and set up an appt.  So hubby makes the call for me, and the office lady sweetly tells him that it will be several months before I can even get in to see the doc-which is a problem because I'm shooting for surgery the 1st week of Oct-which is my break from school.  And I do NOT want to do this over Christmas break.  So hubby begs and pleads for an earlier appt-which she finally squeezes us in, but assures us getting the surgery scheduled quickly may be a problem...  So who knows at this point???  I have patiently been biding my time for 6 months, jumping every hoop as I come to it.  It hasn't been easy dangling on the end of strangers' ropes.  So yes, I'm a control freak who hates waiting on other people's time tables.  But dammit...  October or bust!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Blither Blather Bitchin'

Hey gals,
Check out my other (non weight related) blog:  blither blather bitchin'
This blog chronicles my mom-ventures and the frustrations of daily life as a worn out, working mom!

Thanks for the support!!!

"If you haven't got something nice to say, come sit by me."
from Steel Magnolias

Thursday, August 12, 2010


I want to be thin. And I am commited to the LB surgery. But really-I don't want to do the work. I like eating what I want-when I want-how much I want. And I HATE exercise. So as the end of my 6 month "waiting" period is looming closer-and surgery is an around the corner reality-I KNOW this is a problem. My resolve has imploded beneath the addiction. And I'm in full fledged food-fantasy mode... But the self loathing, not being able to recognize myself in a mirror, avoiding new life experiences, hiding from friends and family and cameras-I'm sick of living like this too. I wish my resolve would renew itself and show a little backbone-dammit. But right now, I'm living in denial. I know that the LB is only a tool-and not a magic wand. Ultimately I have to do the work and make the choices. But I am struggling to believe that I can really do this... Who am I kidding??? I DON"T WANT TO GIVE UP FOOD!!! How pathetic is that?!?

I'm kinda glad that I won't be going back to the therapist until late September. Because if she knew what a scrambled up mess my head is in... she would bench me in a heart beat. And I wouldn't blame her. But I'm not telling...yet. Because maybe...just maybe...I don't really want to be thin. Oh, hell...

Friday, August 6, 2010


It's back to school time for me which is a crazy-stressful-exhausting-hectic business. But believe it or not-i actually eat better when school is in session as opposed to full-out-no-rules summer. So I am actually looking forward to naturally being able to draw some boundaries.

Also, I have had my 5th appt with my MD and only one more to go. My psych-eval is scheduled for 2 wks...and then it's off to see the surgeon!!! When I first started this journey, I was so BUMMED that I had to wait 6 months...but the time has flown! And I'm glad. This is a big commitment, and I'm glad I've been given some time to "live with" this decision and let it simmer and percolate. So I am hopeful that I will soon be posting a surgery date. Maybe....just maybe...this is gonna happen!
Now for some fun: BYCO!!!

1. “Which one would you rather?”…

Tom Cruise or
Tom Brady?
Duh?!? Tom Cruise, of course. Would love to know if he can live up to the hype. And you know that whole "Risky Business" was kinda hotttt.....

Mr. Big (Sex and the City) or
Tony Little (exercise nut)?
I guess I'm gonna have to go with Mr Big...because I'm not sure who Tony Little is...does this make me a nerd??? Not sure...

Whoopi Goldberg or
Making whoopi?
Making whoopi, definitely. It's fun-when done right-and it's a calorie burn too.

2. How do you feel about plastic surgery?
I'm all for it-but it scares the sh*t outta me. Especially boob reductions....ugh. My hubby has been prepping me for this reality.... but I am hoping that I won't need it.

3. What’s your favorite website?

Any trashy celebrity website will you name it. I'm a sucker. Plus I am Real Housewives definitely makes the list.

4. What’s your best tip for having a great vacation?
Not sure yet. Since we have kids and are always on a budget. Being together as a family is what's important... and creating those memories. Even if the vacation sucks-there's still something to laugh about.

5. Repeat question….which blog or comment stuck with you the most this week and why?
Judi trying to plan her party and get 115 followers (she's lost 115 lbs!) with her hard-core planner. I hope she makes it!!!