Scam

Had a minor come-apart last night and hubby got to be my emergency therapist...  What if this weight loss thing is all a SCAM and I never lose this weight at all?!?  My biggest fear verbalized...  For some reason my weight loss has stalled...  I even gained back 4 lbs...dropped two...but can't seem to push back down to my lowest number...  So this has kicked over the crazy train in my head, and I'm desperately looking for "tricks" to thwart my metabolism into MOVING... dammit!  But drinking shakes and eating only protein makes me crazy...as in certifiable...

So I'm 20 days post surgery (first fill in 2 wks), and I really thought I would have more downward momentum at this stage of the game.  But it looks like I'm gonna have to claw my way through every freakin' pound...

Belated BYOC

On to this week’s BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy – where we answer 5 little questions to get to know each other better. Copy to your blog and enjoy!

1. Tell me about someone you envy.
Anyone living in Rome...
Anyone who doesn't have to color the gray outta her hair...
Skinny bitches who eat whatever the hell they wanna.  DIE! DIE! DIE!

2. What makes you angry?
a cluttered dirty house...
mounds of laundry...arghhhh!!!
people who don't put their kids' needs ahead of their own

3. In an effort to help so many that seem to be blue and sad….what do you do when you feel very sad or depressed?
take a mile high bubble bath
sit in the warm sunshine
listen to my Ipod-Dolly & Patsy & Lee Ann & Lady Antebellum
take a drive with the top down on my convertible
a new toe nail color...s'riously the BEST therapy!  I'm currently sporting a gothic black for Halloween...

4. If you were stranded on a lonely beach, what five things would you want with you to survive (not people)?
cheeseburger with mustard, pickle, and a big slice of onion-french fried potatoes and a cold glass beer (thanks Jimmy Buffet!)
a hammock
a good, looooooooooooooooooooooooooong book
sunglasses
lip gloss (of course!)
And nobody better come to the rescue...dammit!

5.  Week in blog land:
I got "stuck" yesterday.  I thought my ribs were gonna crack open.  I had so much pressure it even gave me a headache.  I was pretty miserable for a few hours.   Also I've not lost weight in several days (2 wks banded).  I'm becoming a slave to the scales again....ugh!  But I can't seem to walk away...

Last Supper

So hubby had an idea for a blog post. 
"How 'bout telling them 'bout all those Last Suppers you had?"
Me:  open mouth, wide eyed....feeling a little uncomfortable.... thinking 'oh shit...!'
Hubby:  "Remember the first one?  The one at Cheddars?
Me:  ...happy glow as I recall that heaping plate of carbs...
Hubby:  "Let's see....what was the second one???  Oh yeah!  McDonald's fish fillet with supersize fries and ketchup."
Me:  guilt closes in...but, Oh God!  was it ever worth it... I NEEDED that fish fillet, dammit...
Hubby:  "And then the final one?  The night before your surgery???  That big ol' BBQ sandwich with cole slaw at the football game???"
Me:  feeling nostalgic...a beautiful memory...one that I will always cherish...

So there it is ya'll.  The awful truth:  I had not one, not two, but THREE LAST SUPPERS!  And each one was glorious!!!  I'd like to say that I was racked with guilt each time...  But I think we all know the truth here.  I was licking BBQ sauce off my elbow at that football game...  and not Jesus or Moses or the Archangels were gonna separate me from that sandwich...

Ahhhh.... the glory days...!  And I guess that's why I refuse to sit in guilt or shame but boldly embrace my bad, bad self during those struggling days of the 12 day liquid torure diet.  Those stuffing-myself-silly-days are over, and in the prophetic words of that famous philospher Bugs Bunny, "That's All Folks!"

Day 6 Post-op

I'm playing hookie from school and taking off the next 3 days.  I guess I could've gone back to work but I really wanted to be completely rested before going back to hanging with 145 teengers-which is not a sit-in-your-chair kinda job that you need to be hung over or hunched over while performing.  Gotta be on your toes and ready to crack the whip with this wiley group...  So I'm in my bathrobe today watching tivo's, surfing the net, and having some peace and quiet.  Might go to the library and lunch later with hubby...

Here are a few milestones so far:

bandages are off and my skin looks pretty good...
the gas pains are subsiding...
I am gently getting used to eating "real" foods again...slow and steady...
I am losing weight....
My bloated belly is starting to deflate...

And I am sooooo glad that I have made this decision.  I feel like just maybe I might have a handle on this thing...

In the Club

Laws a'mercy...  Am I ever so glad to have survived that surgery!?!  It's kinda like having a baby-nobody is ever gonna tell ya' exactly just how bad it is.  You just gotta live through it best you can.  Every time some nurse pushed her way into my pre-op room, I knew there would be a fresh horror to contend with-and a needle to go with it.  Down here in the south we have a term for those who just can't seem to "handle it."  And since I'm a big believer in calling it like it is, it's fair to say that I'm what they call a "titty-baby" when it comes to all things medical.  I did not handle my surgery with aplomb and elegance and dignity as many of you probably did.  I sniffled and cried my way through it-and even earned an extra valium because of it.  And the first night home was sheer hell-sore collar bone, bruised lips, constantly needing to pee but couldn't, five fire pokers in my belly, and feeling antsy and nervous as a black cat on Halloween night...

Here's hubby's report that he texted to my gal-pals just after my surgery:

"...She's gorked out on drugs and in lala land.  When I walked in she opened one eye and said I need some lip gloss...She didn't get it... The nurse said ice chips only.  So Donna says, "Shit!  Set me up in this bed and hand me the lip gloss!"  And she got what she wanted... 

So here's the real truth:  I was a HOT MESS.  But at least I was a HOT MESS with my lip gloss ON.  Best not to mess with a southern-belle-titty-baby and her lip gloss...

Glad to be an OFFICIAL bandit in spite of all that whining...!

Approval & Corndogs

OMG! OMG! OMG!   ...It happened...  I'M APPROVED FOR SURGERY!!!  On the very date that I was shooting for on my fall break from school (October 6th)...  And I am so excited and relieved and ready to get this show on the road...

So I send out a broadcast text to my closest pals, the hubby notifies the grandmother/babysitter, and we call an emergency family meeting to explain the recent breaking news to our 8 & 12 year old sons.  While going through the intinerary for Wendesday, the 12 year old wanders off to make toast, leaving the 8 yr old wildly waving his arm above his head to ask me a question like I'm his 3rd grade teacher.  When I finally call on him, he asks, "Can I have a corndog now?"

So there you have it-reality at its best.  I'm changing my life, and my son wants a corndog.  So much for allaying their fears!

I am so glad this moment has happened... and thanks to all my friends who have listened to me bitch and moan about the whole freakin' process.  Ya'll have been worth your weight in gold.  And most importantly-a million thanks to hubby who relentlessly pestered the #*%! out of the insurance company until they couldn't take it another minute...and hit the approval button just so he'd never call again. 

Love ya bunches!!!

Liquid Torture Part Deux

OK-one week later:  so I'm not dead.  In spite of my theatrics.  But let me be clear:  LIQUID DIETS SUCK!!!  But OK-they're survivable....barely.  And although I have not been a scale Nazi, I'm pretty sure I'm losing weight.  It takes all my concentration to do this diet, so I've been avoiding the scales because I don't wanna be more PISSED than what I already am.  As in, "I've only lost 7 lbs?!?  WTF?!?!  I should have lost 50 lbs this week!!!"  You get the crazy picture...

Hopfully insurance will be calling me soon and making this liquid torture worth it. 

Maybe by next week, I will be an "official"  bandit...!