Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Therapy? or Not...?

Like most lapbanders, I had my required psych eval and some therapy before surgery.  This was a painful process for me since I'm a private, can-handle-it-myself kinda gal.  And although I only had 5 sessions, these sessions went deep into the quick and marrow of my soul-a murky, sad place at best.  And of course it stirred up the silt on the bottom and clouded my view of myself... but strangely gave me some clarity as well.  But because the process was so painful and brought my issues to the surface-which made them harder to shove down into those murky depths and ignore-I jetted out of the therapist's office as soon as I had my approval letter for surgery, vaguely promising to make another appointment as soon as I "recovered."  Well....since then I've spent a lot of time thinking about therapy...and whether I should return...or not.  One of the surprising things about those sessions is that we never discussed weight loss or some of the relationships that I thought were driving my eating...  And to her credit, this therapist was nobody's fool.  Charming, clever, funny, and smart didn't work on her...  Her persistent nudging and refusal to follow my false leads took me into scary, new territory.  And I respect that.... kinda.  So as 2011 approaches and I think about new goals (both weight loss & personal), I am wrestling with the therapy issue.  Does all that talking really matter?  It certainly doesn't alter the facts...  Do I want to resurrect old demons?  Can they really be slain and buried...for good???  I guess the fact that I even ask the question is answer enough...  I NEED therapy.  I just don't WANT it. So it looks like in 2011 I will be waging two battles:  one for my physical health and another for my soul's liberation.  ...sigh...


  1. I hear you. I feel the same way. And yes, sigh...

  2. Right there with you. We can do it together (in spirit).