Thursday, July 22, 2010
Although I did a lot of whining about being stalled in my pre-lapband process by my therapy sessions, I have to confess: the therapy has been helpful. I even look forward to those sessions and feel grateful to have a therapist who is insightful and compassionate. But she's no push-over either. She is always digging-and never lets me off the emotional hook. So I'm not gonna lie-therapy is stressful and difficult at times. Admitting aloud to myself that I have abandonment and rejection issues which have resulted in subconscious self-loathing was a painful and excruciating process. You have to expose those demons before you can exorcise them. And there is nothing easy about that. But Thank God! I did it. I actually left her office last week with a sense of peace. Now however-she has proposed doing some grief therapy-and I am terrified and skeptical of this process. Having a case of the plague sounds preferable. But I have grudgingly agreed to trust her expertise and to yield to the process-God help me. My greatest fear is being overwhelmed. It's like heading out to the middle of a dark ocean during a hurricane knowing you will be capsized and sunk by 50 foot crashing waves-but someone has promised to throw you a life vest from a dinghy that you cannot see in the darkness. So honestly-I just want to get this over with... I'm keeping my eye on the horizon as I move forward.