Summer Report

Well, I got that third fill...  And NOW we're talking!  So THIS is what restriction is!  And what a relief to let the band do some of the work for me.  Of course getting used to the tightness has its own issues, and I have been pb'ing more as a result.  But I'm learning the "new" rules for this level of tightness. 

The GOOD NEWS is that I have lost another 5 lbs... for a grand total of 40 lbs!!!  LOVE IT!!!  I told hubby that even if I never lost another lb, I am sooooo  grateful to be smaller, healthier, happier, and more present and content in my own skin.

A Few NSV's as a result:
Wearing my bathing suit with confidence...no cover up either!
Having a friend tell me, "Your legs look GREAT!"
Old clothes in the closet are "new" again...and dressing is becoming more fun
Experiencing excitement about fashion and shopping....and discovering what my true style is now that I have options...

Here's to savoring every last minute of summer! 

Reverse Psychology

So on Sunday I proclaim that I am going to seriously watch what I eat.   And yesterday I ate 3 muffins and a bowl of ice cream and 3 chocolate chip cookies...in addition to regular meals...which I tried to overeat.  Sigh...   I think the tightness of my band is causing me to search out "easy" to eat foods which is a symptom of my crazy-fat-brain that is always searching for my next "fix."  My big problem however is that I am suffering from chronic exhaustion which is making it difficult/impossible to steer clear of bad food choices or even have the desire to put on my tennis shoes for a brief walk.  This exhaustion is weird considering I am not working over the summer and only lallygag around as well as clock in plenty of sleep hours the night before.  Not sure what is causing this...  but for now I have decided to take a daily multi vitamin in hopes of pumping up my energy level.  And I have to get back to minimal exercise.

Hopefully this vitamin is gonna kick my @ss into gear! 

Vacay Report

So I had my 3rd fill, and NOW I finally get it.  I have restriction and tightness and fullness.  And have lost another 3lbs since my dr. visit...praise the Lord!  So now it's ON!  I plan to get serious about the next 10 lbs with a renewed diet/exercise plan for the remainder of summer.

On the vacay front, I was able to dodge my SIL's invasion of our beach trip and had a lovely time with our cousin's family instead.  The boys were constantly on the go, and the hubby and I were able to rest & relax with our toes in the sand.

Last year at the beach I was at my all time heaviest and was maintaining that weight in order to qualify for WLS.  It was brutal-and depressing.  I was so heavy and unhappy and HOT and sweaty and tired.  It was all I could do to carry the sunblock to the beach.  What a difference a year and 40 lbs makes!  I felt more comfortable in my bathing suit (a cute blue and white polka dot number from Land's End) and even discarded the cover up this year.  I actually complained about how cold the condo was-and had to turn up the air!  MIRACLES!!!  But most importantly I had the energy and desire to fully participate in all my family's activities.  Oh, and when I got back and stepped on my scales to check out the damage...???  ka-ching!  No weight gained.  I LOVE THIS BAND!!!

Do I have further to go???  Of course!  Do I look like a mermaid goddess perched on the sand???  Well... just wait til next year!!!

Summer Renewal

My third fill is this Thursday, and I am soooo glad to be getting it!  I really have been dragging my feet about making this decision due to some "head issues" (ie: fear of not being able to eat what/when/howmuch I want to), but it's time to rein in the emotional over eating.  My "willpower" is just not enough.  Can I get an "Amen!" from the bandsters in the front pew???  Even though my weight loss has been like watching a tortoise crawl a marathon, I keep reminding myself to value my band's ability to maintain weight loss.  Currently I have lost 37ish lbs and have been able to hold the line for 7 months... an unheard of accomplishment in my 20 years of trying to lose weight which was a brutal cycle of losing a little to later gain it back plus some with a vengeance.  So even though I am not a bandster who is blowing off rapid lbs-I am bandster who is holding the line and slowwwwwwly crawling my way to success.

To help get me ready for the next fill, hubby and I are on a 5 day low carb diet which should help me rev my weight loss engines and get me in the frame of mind for minding the rules with this next fill.  At the end of the day I have to remember the band is not a magic wand-but a simple tool-that has rules.  And I have to play by those rules to get results.  There really are not shortcuts.  Sigh...!

NSV:  As hubby watched me pull on my swimsuit, he said, "You look so much better this summer than last!"  And he's right...  I HAVE come a long way, baby! 

More to report on Thursday...

To my Sons on Mother's Day

Some mothers are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together. ~Pearl S. Buck
*
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
*
Dear Sons,
1.  Remember you are God's sons first...mine second.  But he did put in a clause that says you have to obey me...or else.
2.  Even when I am yelling at you and have crossed over to the dark side: I STILL love you.  Just don't turn your back or forget to say "Yes ma'am."
3.  NEVER walk through a door in front of a lady.  You are getting so much better at this.  Thank you for honoring this small and subtle courtesy to all womankind.  It will pay off one day.
4.  All good things have been sanctioned by your mother.  I just made your dad drive you there.  So remember to thank the right person...who might be at home in the bathrobe.
5.  I love you to the moon and back...and then again.  And honestly wouldn't change a thing about this whole messy journey we are on together...but it still wouldn't kill you to pick up some of that $#@! in the hallway upstairs.


Love you ALWAYS!!!

Mom  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Dilemma/Advice appreciated...

OK-it's been awhile...  So thanks for checking in on my lazy (i.e. unispired) blogging updates.

Good news:  I have finally dropped a few lbs in the last two weeks after MONTHS of being stalled (total is 38-40 lbs).  It has been uber cool to see a new numbers on my scale!  Also my bp is now 115/77 and I have stopped taking ALL my meds!!!  now THAT is progress....even if I do still have some chub to work on.

Dilemma:  I've been putting off having another fill.  Not sure if I need one since I mostly feel some restriction some of the time...  I have lots of excuses such as paying off my medical bills-not adding to them-taking time off from work, etc.  But here's the deal:  I LIKE eating larger portions than I know I should.  I don't want to give that up (damn that inner fat girl!).  And I am fearful of not being able to eat solid foods at all...  Which is making my inner fat girl run like hell now.  But I also know that I bought this band in order to achieve my goals, and my weight loss has been slow (or stalled) for too long.  I have even resorted to desperate dieting tactics over the last month which really sent me into a mental tail spin and left me so exhausted that now I am having a free for all with the pantry.  So how do you KNOW when it's time for more restriction???  What is the magic feeling of hitting that sweet spot???  Do I get by with some restriction some of the time???  Or should I demand more of the band than my will power and desire would ask of me???   Advice, suggestions, personal testimony appreciated...

I am counting down the days til summer!  Hope all is well in your neck of the woods!

Verbal Vomit

OK-so it's been awhile since I last posted.  So please forgive the disjointed randomness:

This has nothing to do with my lapband..................but..............

I am soooo FURIOUS about my upcoming beach/camping vacay with my 3 fellas in June.  I just found out that my SIL is planning to attach herself to my family's vacay-although she has never asked nor been invited (or wanted for that matter).  She has craftily learned of our plans from the MIL, called a cousin to confirm the local & whereabouts, and then informed my hubby (her brother) of her plans to be in our neck of the vacay woods-imagine the odds!  She is NOTORIOUS for being a domineering, critical harpy who is the queen of snide and snobby and a control freak to boot.  @#$%!  Under normal holiday circumstances, I struggle to bite my tongue, ignore, and deal with her.  So you can imagine how I feel about spending all my vacay $$$ with someone who I feel tortured and frustrated and enraged by (long history, btw-just trust me on this...).  Luckily for her she has the time and resources to go on several trips during the course of the year.  For me-this once a year vacay with my sons & hubby is my ONLY opportunity to leave my zip code, and I sure as f*ck don't want to be spending it with her.  Bottom line:  I feel sabotaged and manipulated.   F*CK F*CK F*CK!!!

Well, now I don't even feel like typing all that other stupid stuff like I am still exercising and starting a a couch to 5k program with hubby....my blood work results have improved since 6 months ago but I clearly have more work to do....I have decided to drink the koolaid and religiously start taking my vitamins so my super cute lil doc will stop harassing me....I like being in a size 12 jeans (woohoo!)....and I am not dreading swim suit season.  My goal is to lose another 10 lbs by the first week of June....and get my third fill....which I have been avoiding due to some crazy food addiction reasons that I will examine more closely soon...

So there it is.  Real life in a paragraph.  Plenty to be proud of.  And just a few frustrations to keep it real.

But thank God SPRING has finally SPRUNG!  The best therapy on the planet is sunshine and daffodils...

Blessings to you all!